Surgery reflections: 1 week post double mastectomy

Last week I lie in bed, imagining I am not going to have the DMX (double mastectomy) and I actually feel my throat start to close up, as if I’m suffocating. 

I quickly imagine I AM going to have the DMX, and my throat opens, so does the inside of my body.

I repeat this, in case something else caused the sensations. Actually, I repeat it multiple times, always the same.

The amount of safety and security in feeling this internal response cannot be replicated by anything else on this planet.

Not another’s cheerleading efforts, not even my own.

Not by knowledge acquired or hours of studying or asking others why they chose what they chose.

While this is how this kind of thing can start, none of these things matter.

The truth of our personal life can only be known internally by us individually.

The only way to feel true peace is to stop.

After the storm of asking others, of researching, of grieving, we find the peace of dropping deeply into ourselves.

We let everyone and everything else go…

And we ask.

We ask the internal layers of our body, because that’s where the truth lives.